It was my 30th birthday yesterday, and I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on the past couple of years, and how my 30-year-old self is not the self I had once pictured. In some ways, that’s a good thing, but in a lot of ways, I have neglected who I wanted to be and not taken care of myself in the way I should have.

The last couple of years have been really difficult for me personally, and it’s quite hard for me to admit that, it’s not easy to feel vulnerable. I’ve had a face presented to the world which is happy and smiley, but a lot of the time, I’ve just wanted to cry (and have often done so when I’ve reached the safety of my house/car).

But I think the only way I can make my 31-year-old self be who I want to be is if I start to be more honest with myself, and writing it on this blog encourages a bit of transparency.

I saw this picture in my facebook feed a few weeks ago and the quote has stuck in my head since.

I’ve been trying to think about the things that used to spark a light in me, things that I have let slide in the last few years, and I want to try to pick up those things again – I’m tired of feeling tired.

So a few things I want to concentrate on in the next few months:

• Taking care of myself – eating healthily and getting more exercise. This has taken the biggest hit over the last couple of years.
• Photography – I used to take my camera everywhere and spend ages after getting my pictures processed and uploaded online.
• Reading – this hasn’t suffered as much, but I want it to feel more like a joy and less like a chore.
• Watching baseball – this is something my dad and I used to do together, and for a long time it was too painful, but I miss it.
• Spending time outside in nature – just enjoying fresh air and green scenery and space to think away from the house.

I’ll keep checking in here to keep some accountability, even if no-one reads this, it’s something for me to feel responsible to.

And if anyone is reading – let me know what sparks your light, maybe it’ll give me some ideas for my next things to try!